Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
