Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
