some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize