She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
