I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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