we have pet lesbian snakes
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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