the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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