I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
