I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
