A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
