So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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