I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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