So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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