What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
