is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
