yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
