I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
