if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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