I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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