After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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