Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
