I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you never un-have a 4some
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
