Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
