Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
