My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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