I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
