we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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