And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
