Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
