brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
