Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
