so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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