If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
