Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
