Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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