My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I supernannyed him into submission
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