Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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