another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
cat food counts as protein by the way
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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