the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
