Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
