Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
