I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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