New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
