he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
