When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize