real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
