There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize