I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Will exercising make me less horny?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize