how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
