i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
