I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
