If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
