he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
