put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
