dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
