my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
