i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
