i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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