I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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