Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
