White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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