Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
