So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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