She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
