my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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