I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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