i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
